Thursday, July 22, 2010

Leaves in Autumn



frangipanis, chalk and charcoal on handmade paper, sujaandas


It's time to cut off a branch - along with its many leaves - young purple ones that have just started growing, some dark green firmly attached ones, and others that are brown and yellow and would fall off anyway. All of them add colour to my life. Attachments, weak and strong, that on the whole bind me so strongly to Bombay. Some ties that have names and ties that often were hard to categorize. It's struck me suddenly that my life will change: I will no longer live with the P. Lewises of Walton Road. I will no longer climb the wooden staircase carefully so that I do not step on the cat that sleeps on the landing. I will no longer take bus number 3 to Navy Nagar. I will no longer show the hideous pink ID card at the TIFR gate. And the shopkeeper near Electric House, who gives the customary smile of recognition, will soon have new customers to attend to.

There's so much unfinished, there's so much that needs closure, and this abruptness makes me uneasy. There have been relationships that have grown, many that have not grown, and many more that could have grown. Many, that have been stifled at the inception. Many for which distance made conversation impossible, and many for which conversation made closeness impossible...and a few for which I'm ready to cover any distance for a conversation. It's time to leave all of it and go. The strongest leaf must wither and eventually fall. It's time to cut off a chunk of me, with the hope that it would grow back soon... it always does. Though this time it'll be hard, it'll be hard to accept that I will not see many that I love so dearly for a long, long time.

11 comments:

Shazia said...

I will recommend that you make a list of all that you want to do and places where you want to go before leaving. I did that last year.
*Sigh*...it's another story that I came back after 5 months.

Mayuri said...

Beautifully expressed :)

Although, like a tree, leave that chunk of you in Bombay to grow and blossom. It will be always be here, to welcome you when you are back.

Enjoy your journey and good luck!!

Ranga said...

Nice post Sujan, am sure it will be easier and less abrupt than you feel right now.

Koffee beanzz said...

like always..nice piece of writing and artwork and make sure u water the tree too :)

Angika said...

Tres bien. Oddly, I like the first paragraph more than the second. It made me smile. Nice painting.

@ Ranga: It shocks me that you still cannot spell his name!

little boxes said...

very very nicely expressed.how very touching.
and yes,let me brag...i saw this drawing before anyone else here :P
looks lovely

reema said...

@Sujaan: I hope u keep ur blog. I have known you more here than in the real world. So I hope u do keep ur blog.

Much luck and Love for Life here onwards.

p.s: painting is a piece of work!

Apexa said...

Old bonds are not like leaves they are like the branches of the tree..how the relationship transforms with each branch is seen with the growth of the leaves....Sometimes fresh, with time it grows pale...in time they fall off but again memories bring them back to life... ;o) so I would say take the ppl as the many branches of the one strong bond that gives life to every bond that is U...keep ur spirit high and new branches will grow the old ones will become stronger whats weak will let go...
So put on a smile, pack ur stuff..make a move now..COME TO CANADA and we can debate on this over a cup of coffee or a mug of beer... ;o)

Apexa said...

And oh...Yo make a few paintings for me too..I have these empty walls in my room...Ur work will do wonders...U multi talented u!!!!

Megh said...

Ah beautiful ..! as usual

keep looking forward to see your posts

Megh said...

Oh you are a research scholar...
so am i !